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Melanie
Just Said Yes June 2020

Catholic wedding. i don't want it but...

Melanie, on August 22, 2019 at 12:18 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 16
So I've been venue shopping the last few days.
I found A two places I love,

My mother is wanting me to have a Catholic wedding. I don't want one but if it makes her happy. My question is if i have a ceremony at the church, do you think the two venues will let me have just a reception?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Mikayla, on January 10, 2020 at 10:54 AM
  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    You would have to ask them but I don't see why not. Most places are just for receptions with a space available for an optional ceremony,

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  • Sara
    Super October 2019
    Sara ·
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    Yep - every place we toured was available for a reception only, or a reception and ceremony. Probably could have also done a ceremony only if we had asked. Depending on the venue, it might even be a little cheaper if you're not using certain facilities.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    I would be very surprised if the venue required you to have your ceremony there. We’re having our reception only at our space and that seems very common.
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Yes, they will let you have just a reception - this is super common.


    Really think about what it means to get married in the Catholic church though, especially if you don't want to. Is your FI Catholic? You will also have to promise to raise your kids Catholic as part of your vows - is that something you're interested in doing? It's fine either way, but if not - I would just be firm with your mother about what you prefer. I would think it would bother her more as a practicing Catholic to have you falsely agree to those types of things than to just get married outside the church. There's not really a wrong answer, just something to think about!

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    Having a reception at another venue is totally fine! As a side note, I don't think you should get married in a Catholic church if you don't want to. It's your wedding!

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  • Erica
    Dedicated July 2020
    Erica ·
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    My sister got married in the church to make my mom happy even though she's not religious. She said it was one of the most stressful parts or planning the wedding. A lot goes into it like pre cana classes and all this other stuff that you don't necessarily consider ahead of time. She said if she'd know she wouldn't have done it. Just a heads up since you don't seem so keen on the idea now. My mom wouldn't have judged her but my sister thought it would be nice. Needless to say I am not doing it!
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  • T
    Dedicated September 2019
    Teresa ·
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    That's what i'm doing. Very rarely is it an issue with venues.

    Also if you don't want a catholic ceremony maybe you can compromise with your mother and have a Deacon attend the ceremony and give a blessing at the venue site instead of having a full mass at a church. A blessing isn't the same as having a mass in a church but at least it acknowledges the religious aspect.

    From my personal experience planning a Catholic ceremony hasn't been stressful but the priest that's marrying me is very relaxed and understanding and I know the musician who's playing at my ceremony. So everyone's experience is different.

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  • Alicia
    Devoted October 2021
    Alicia ·
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    It's your day, have the wedding your way, not moms
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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    It's a common misconception that a non Catholic spouse has to promise to raise the kids Catholic. The Code of Canon Law requires the Catholic spouse to “make a sincere promise to do all in [the Catholic spouse's] power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church” (CIC 1125 §1). The non Catholic spouse, on the other hand, need only “be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which [the Catholic spouse] is to make, in such a way that it is certain that [the non Catholic spouse] is truly aware of [the Catholic spouse's] promise and obligation” (CIC 1125 §2). The non Catholic spouse is not required to make the same promises. In fact, the marriage can go forward even if the non Catholic spouse is resistant to the Catholic spouse's promises.

    https://www.catholic.com/qa/the-groom-wont-agree-to-raise-their-children-as-catholics-can-they-still-marry

    I don't think the OP should have a Catholic wedding unless she wants one, as opposed to her mother wanting her to have one. But the FI promising to raise the children as Catholic is definitely not an impediment.

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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    Most venues are venues first, and being a ceremony location is just an added bonus. That shouldn't be a problem at all. But you and your fiance need to decide together if you want to be married in the church or not. My friend was married a few years ago and went through the same thing. Her mother was upset she wasn't getting married in the Catholic church, so she found a way to get a priest in to bless the marriage during the ceremony (which was outside at her venue). I'm not Catholic, so I don't know how that works, I just remember it was done. Maybe that would be a good compromise.

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  • D
    Super September 2019
    Dana ·
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    Im doing a church ceremony and reception to follow !! I looked at 5 wedding venues and none of them had an issue with that
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  • Lara
    Devoted October 2019
    Lara ·
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    That is what I'm doing. My reception place does do weddings as well, but I'm only doing the reception there. Ceremony in a Catholic Church down the road. Unfortunately because of church requirements, we have gap between the time. However, we've planned things for our guests to do.

    Really research what all you need for a Catholic wedding - there is a lot. Lots of paperwork and requirements.

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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Sure, but if one parent is promising to bring the kids up Catholic - if you follow your promises, those kids are going to be Catholic. So sure, technically the non-Catholic spouse does not have to verbally make the promise - but they are agreeing to raise the kids the Catholic. If you're not planning to follow the promises required of a Catholic ceremony, you (as the Catholic spouse) should not be getting married in the Catholic church as it totally defeats the purpose if you're not going to fully commit.

    I agree she should only do this if she and spouse are on board. Mom should have nothing to do with it.

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    It is not actually true that, "if you follow your promises, those kids are going to be Catholic." The Catholic parent is promising to do what is in their power to raise the kids as Catholic. But the non-Catholic parent may also be doing what is in their power to raise the kids as another religion. So it may in fact be impossible for the Catholic parent to make the kids Catholic. And indeed, since marriage is treated so seriously, "the Catholic parent may ultimately be forced to concede for the sake of peace in the family."

    http://canonlawmadeeasy.com/2009/01/22/do-catholic-parents-have-to-raise-their-children-as-catholics/

    These issues are difficult enough if the two parties getting married are genuinely committed to a different faith. The couple certainly shouldn't be pressured by the mother to make promises without thinking them through.

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  • 8Bitbek
    Devoted October 2020
    8Bitbek ·
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    Most venues are mainly for the reception, and if you choose to have the ceremony on-site then there is a (usually small) fee. That's what I've seen more often than not so I don't think you'll have an issue.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes November 2020
    Mikayla ·
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    Hi! I’d love to chat because I’m in the same boat. I was wondering what you decided on doing?
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