First look parent issues

Is your mother pay for the photographer?

Paying for*

My mom is upset that we are doing first look photos. I expressed to her the right timeline of the day and how the moment could be just as romantic. She’s still angry but I also reminded her that she is not paying for the photographer and it’s mine and my fhs day.

It is absolutely not her place to decide when you and your future husband see each other. Why would you even listen to her? Time to cut the apron strings, and have your mom adjust to reality. Mom, I am an adult now. And starting a new family of my own with my husband to be. And this is a decision we will make, with nobody else's opinion. It is nobody else's business to decide but ours . . . . Practice saying it till it rolls off your tongue smoothly. And cut off any time she tries to get involved. Refuse to listen. Some decisions are made only by the bride and groom.

Other than that, why would your mother's get angry about it? There is no reason not to, except some very old superstition. Many brides and grooms who live together get dressed for their wedding together. Some groom's help pick out wedding gowns. Why would an outsider ( mom) even care?

I don’t understand why that would be something she would get mad about? My mom would be upset if we didn’t do a first look because she believes it is rude to keep guests waiting after ceremony for everyone to do all the pictures...

I was convinced my mom would have an issue with us doing a first look, but when I told her she was surprisingly cool about it. We explained the logistics of why we wanted to do one, and she said that it makes sense. Then again, we are in our 30's, already living together, and have children.....so its not like we are "just starting our lives together." And maybe that is why it didn't seem like such a big deal? I dunno, and I know my story doesn't help you in anyway..lol, sorry. I would just try to explain the logistics to her as best you can, give her some time to think about it, and see if she comes around to the idea. Is she paying for your wedding? If not, then her opinion can only go so far. If a first look is really what y'all want to do, then I say do it and hopefully she will realize it's y'all's day and not give you too much grief on the issue.

Why would she be mad about this? is it her day? no

Is she paying for your wedding?

I feel like this is something she has no say over, and her opinion should not be taken into consideration on the first look topic. If its something you and your FH want to do, then do it

I’ve been on the fence about this big time. I don’t want to do a first look because I’d like to keep it traditional BUT with an October Wedding and the time Of sunset, I don’t see there being a ton of time after the ceremony for pictures. I might just have to give in on this one.

I don't understand why it's any of her business or why she cares about it. I would simply not discuss it with her. You're two adults that are fully capable of making your own decisions. Don't let your mother bully you out of what you want for your own wedding day.

Do you know what about it is bothering her? If you know, you may be able to assuage some of her anxiety. Explain why you want to do it and that it’s a decision you and FH have to make together without additional input, regardless of how well-meaning.

View Quoted Comment Thank you 😃

My mom thought it was bad luck and earned it could lead to divorce but she didn’t fight me on it. I was so glad we did it because it helped soothe my DHs nerves.

I agree with PPs that it’s not her decision to make.

View Quoted Comment Maybe that is why. She basically fought me on it but didn’t give a big reason why. It may not be their decision but I dont want on the wedding day for her to still have the issue and for her to be mad.

Yes, I agree with the majority of poster friends. Your mom has no place to decide whether you and your partner should do a first look. Even if she was paying for the photographer. That's a very personal decision between the couple to be wed. You should definitely do what you want to do!!

I understand where you’re coming from. Yesterday I went out venue to try some table cloths out and both my mom and fmil were with me. Somehow pictures came up and I said we were leaning toward a first look and they both looked at me like I was crazy lol. I just think it’s a newer tradition and everyone likes to see the grooms first “wow” face. But it is yours and your fiancés decision, so do what you feel works best for you guys. Our photographer said she is always for it because of the time saved with pictures. I told her that regardless of what we decide to do I want to have a set time that pictures will be over so the guests aren’t lingering at cocktail hour too long.

My parents were totally in support of this they thought it would be sweet. It’s your day, your photographer and your moment to have with your spouse. Do what you want and ignore your parents. They shouldn’t still be impacting your decisions. If you want to do it then do it.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your words 😃

Omg my dad cried like a baby!

Ok I didn’t fully read the post before commenting. And for us, no one had an issue with it at all. My photographer actually wanted to do a first look with my dad and i am so glad that the photographer was there to capture the moment.

Who cares what your mom thinks, it’s not her wedding. She had her moment when she got married, she needs to take a step back and let you do your thing!