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Savvy May 2021

Is it wrong to not invite my sister?

KatieBugg247, on January 16, 2019 at 1:11 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 23

When FH and I got engaged it was week before my moms birthday. When we went to her birthday party and announced it to my family members who came in from out of town my sister got upset. FH and I were discussing the time frame we were looking at regarding planning and setting a date when she came back into the room with a small package. She pulled out a couple of rings and stated that they were hers and her boyfriends engagement rings that would be used when it was official.

This previous Sunday I was again at my moms talking to her about a bridal show coming up and what day and time we can go to it. My sister came in and joined the conversation asking if my wedding was going to be fancy or not. She then told me that I should just go to a court house and have the wedding there because that is what her and her boyfriend were going to do over Christmas break but the marriage license would've taken too long. This was said in front of my mom which to me is disrespectful, I know my mom wants to see both of us get married.

My sister has always had this problem where if she is not the center of attention she makes everyone miserable or does something to make sure she is. I never got along with her and I do not see our relationship improving in the future. FH and I decided together that we did not want her at our wedding and if someone brings her anyway that they can leave with her. Is this too harsh? Should I invite her anyways despite knowing that there is a good chance she will try her best to ruin it?

23 Comments

Latest activity by Desiree, on January 18, 2019 at 4:29 PM
  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    Are you truthfully ok with totally ruining your relationship with her over this?

    My sister gets jealous very easy, we are 5 years apart and its always been an attention struggle. My sister recently told me that I "better not get pregnant this year because 2019 is her year to graduate college, move out, etc." Like, we can't both have life events the same year? Despite this, my sister is actually still my best friend and I know her age plays into the way she acts to an extent.

    I think you should talk to your sister and honestly ask her why she is so bothered about your wedding? It has to be jealousy, since I'm assuming her boyfriend hasn't asked her yet, but why can't the both of you be happy for each other and realize you are two different people? You and her can both get married without conflicts.

    Even if she came to your wedding and tried to become the center of attention I can 1000% promise you that it wouldn't work. You are the bride and groom. I'd really try to talk to her and/or your mom about it before making any irrational choices.

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  • Lauren
    Devoted October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    I think not inviting your sister (who sounds like a brat) is really very harsh. These comments she is making are very petty. Not inviting her to the wedding is even more petty.


    Google some articles or advice on taking the higher road.
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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    She sounds very immature but I would say completely univiting her from the wedding is harsh. This will probably destroy a future relationship with her (which I know you don’t see improving but never say never). Being this harsh is pretty much ensuring that. I’d also be worried about the feelings of your mom or other family members. Invitations are up to you and your FS, but I would really weigh the negatives of having her as a guest at the wedding vs the negatives of not inviting her at all because she’s being petty.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    It really depends. If you don't invite her, I assume you won't ever have a relationship with your sister again. Will it stress out your parents?

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  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I agree that she sounds really immature and jealous of you. I would just ignore it. It is so ridiculous why even give it a moment's thought? She actually has a box with their engagement rings? Okaaaay. So are they engaged or not?

    But I wouldn't ruin the relationship and potentially stir up unnecessary drama over this. As PP said, there is no way she could ever steal the attention from the bride at a wedding. She would just make a fool of herself if she tried.

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  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
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    General insight, most attention-seekers don't fair well at weddings. People are too busy parting and gushing about you. She can try all she likes. The best she'll get is a cordial nod, curt conversation as people make excuses to get away.

    The only time it is okay to not invite direct kin is 1) Elopement 2) They are cut out of your life 3) They're legitimately unable to make it (i.e. jail, hospital, tour of duty, etc.) Even then, I would likely send the invite just to know they were thought of and you wanted them to be there.

    If you decide that she's worth cutting out of your life, and you're okay with putting your family in the middle of what would ensue (i.e. the natural "taking sides/try to fix it") ... well, that's up to you.


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  • Sunshine
    Expert January 2019
    Sunshine ·
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    I agree with the other posters, if you don’t invite her, you’re basically cutting her completely out of your life for good.
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  • M
    Super November 2019
    Melissa ·
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    Honestly, I think you'll never hear the end of it from your family if you dont invite your sister and it will further ruin your relationship with her.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Rockstar March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Totally agree!

    Just don’t make her a BM, share wedding details or invite her to wedding excursions where she can rain on your parade.
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  • M
    Super November 2019
    Melissa ·
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    True. And place her as faaaar away from the sweetheart or head table as far as possible.
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  • C
    Super July 2019
    Crystal ·
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    Imagine how it would make your mom feel. I would still invite her and just keep your distance
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  • Rayna
    Devoted July 2019
    Rayna ·
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    I don’t see why you can’t just ignore her. Nothing she’s doing is actually harming you, it’s just petty and silly. She does it for attention so don’t give her any. Not inviting her is creating the drama she craves. Now she gets to be a victim. It seems counterintuitive. I’d invite her and go on with my life ignoring her antics.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Rockstar March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Totally!

    I didn't like creating a seat chart but it helps so much to put problem people next to others who will keep them in line or separate problem family members (also fun putting cool people next to each other so they can have great conversation!).

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  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
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    I agree with PP, your decision sounds a bit harsh. Talk to her deep and long and also talk to your mom. I would suggest having a person that can control her if the situation at the wedding gets out of hand at any given point and that person might be your mom.
    I have a similar case with a cousin of mine, I actually didn’t ask her to walk the wedding because of this. If she’s just a guest she has less changes of ruining things.
    She can try to get all the attention she wants, no one steals the thunder from the bride and groom on their wedding day. Is just not possible.
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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    This is very well said and some really good advice.

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  • Alyssa
    Master December 2019
    Alyssa ·
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    Only you know the answer to this every single person in my family is invited even my sister who I essentially love/hate and that’s cool. Absolutely no one from my fiancé‘s family is coming because he hates them or the living ones at least so it’s no problem because they already don’t speak what’s it going to do to your mom for your sister to be uninvited ?
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  • Nyikee
    Expert February 2020
    Nyikee ·
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    I'm not inviting one of my brothers. He's rude to anyone related to him and at the beginning of my relationship with fh, he basically accused me of being a sl*t (fh had changed fb profiles and brother thought it was someone else). I'm also not particularly close to him, and have no issues with not inviting him.


    When it really comes down to it you should ask yourself how you feel about your relationship with your sister, how much drama it may cause and if the drama is really worth it, and if you think you may be able to rekindle things with her after the wedding, and if not, if you're okay with that. Also, most importantly, will you be happy with that decision or will you regret it?

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    She is not seriously hurting you, which would justify excluding her. She is being annoying, immature and somewhat self centered. You can avoid situations where you are in competition with her by not talking wedding stuff. Is she a younger sister who has always felt she is following in your wake, always a step behind? Many siblings go through a rocky time late teens through mid twenties, when each is trying to establish a place for themselves. And more often than not, come out of it friends. Don't make a rift that will upset your family, destroy your relationship permanently with sister. That would make you seem petty and self centered, not your goal. This really is little stuff. Let it go.
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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    No I do not think that you are wrong. My best friend got married 4 years ago and her sister tried to sabotage everything. Needless to say she was not welcomed at her wedding. Sometimes you have to protect yourself and cut toxic people out of your life.

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  • Futuremrsbroadhurst
    Savvy November 2018
    Futuremrsbroadhurst ·
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    I don't think it is wrong to not invite her. My husband decided not to have his sister at the wedding after she was going to be a bridesmaid because everything is about her and he didn't want her to be the center of attention at our wedding. The day was perfect and he didn't even miss her not being there. It has caused some family issues but it hasn't affected his relationship with his parents. You should do what you think is going to make your day perfect.

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