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Chelsie
Just Said Yes January 2020

Is there a way to add an early rsvp option on our save the dates without it looking tacky?

Chelsie, on March 19, 2019 at 12:30 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 27
I want to avoid have to purchase extra invitations so I thought maybe adding an early rsvp on our save the dates would help with that. The thing with that is, we want to avoid parents rsvping their children as well as they will not be added when we send out the invitations, ie. their invitation will read, “We have reserved 2 seats in your honor”. That which does not include their children that they tried to rsvp previously. Will this cause unwanted conflict? Help!

27 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on September 19, 2023 at 9:57 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    You don’t RSVP to a save the date. You’re just asking someone to reserve the day for your wedding, not actually inviting them. You can’t RSVP to an event that you’re not invited to. If it’s a matter of paying for both, skip save the dates, they aren’t a necessity.
    As for the children, just address the invitation to the adults who are invited. There’s no need to tell them who’s not. As you mentioned, also say “we have reserved __ seats in your honor.” Whether or not that will cause drama really depends on your friends and family, we can’t tell you how they’ll react.
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  • Alycia
    Super July 2021
    Alycia ·
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    How early are you sending the STDs? It's kind of tough for people to reply about whether they are available 9 months from now.

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  • Chelsie
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Chelsie ·
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    Okay, I see that. Our mindset was to send Save The Dates to people who we are inviting. So they are technically invited unless they won’t be able to make it. We just didn’t want to send out invitations only to receive a decline and not have enough invitations to invite someone else to fill in.
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  • N
    Expert July 2019
    Natalie ·
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    We kinda did a RSVP our save the dates were sent through email which had a button that sent them to the start of our website it asked them for their name, their address (since I didn’t have anyone’s address) and for the RSVP we gave them 3 options of I will “most likely go” “maybe” or “most likely can’t make it” to give us a better idea of how many people can make it we will still send everyone an invite it’s more for us and to give us an idea
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  • Chelsie
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Chelsie ·
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    Alycia, we were thinking sending STD’s 6 months before our wedding.
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  • Chelsie
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Chelsie ·
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    Oh nice! I really like that idea a lot!!
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  • Alycia
    Super July 2021
    Alycia ·
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    I wouldn't bother with STDs then. Just send invitations a little early to any guests who have to travel out of state to come.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    I wouldn’t count on people being able to tell you that early. We sent save the dates and had people book hotels and then weren’t able to come when we sent invites. We also had people tell us they originally couldn’t come and then were able to make it.
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  • Native Dancer
    Dedicated July 2019
    Native Dancer ·
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    In that case just make sure the order a few extra invitations when you get to that point in the planning process. I have 10 extras just in case an invitation gets messed up, etc.
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    There is no way that is not tacky, that far in advance. You are asking for actual commitments from guests months and months before it is reasonable. If cost is an issue, save by not sending any save the dates at all. Make a phone call, or send an email, to give the people advance information. When we did that, the way it was done before the recent invention of Saves ( by phone or letter/ email), we foung about a quarter of people told us while on the phone: We definitely cannot make it because: son's wedding that week, on vacation, having taken off for 4 other weddings in 3 months now out of time off, ... Lots of legitimate things. And another half told us, without being asked, we definitely get that 3 day weekend off work, have a relative to babysit, will answer yes when we get the invitation. We never sent invitations to definite NO people. For planning, it was a help. But we got so much feedback because instead of sending out the impersonal blast it Save the Date, we did the personal phone call, and only used email internationally. Saves are not a necessary thing, you can do it other, free, ways, in advance. But except for very casual weddings, where you issue a general invitation to all, and do not care about numbers, or the rare wedding planned in under 3 weeks, all invitations by phone or in person, it is necessary to send an invitation. A Save without an invitation to follow is tacky. Some people ask us if it wasn't awful making phone calls to everyone. No. We would not have invited any but 2 couples (FIL /MIL friends) if we were not close enough to make a phone call. Not like we were inviting strangers. And because we started out with a personal touch at 4 months (whole engagement was 5 months), a lot of people made a point if calling us when they knew for sure, could or could not come. So we had definite answers on well over 90%, they initiated telling us, before we mailed a single invitation at 8 weeks. We used a local real printer, rather than online, and invitations were higher quality and cheaper, beautifully engraved on nice stock. With a weight that came in at just under weight ( including enclosures) for a regular first class stamp. Because at the local printer, when we were making choices from our favorite 5, 3 were 50 cents to mail, and the others 1.15. Easy choice. Find another way to save, and start by giving early info without buying save the dates. Any info you get while talking to people is all good. We had no issues about adding people, bringing children not named on a Save or invitation, or diets. Because people asked while on the phone. And for any who needed it, we followed up with a details email. Accommodations , schedule stuff. While we were at it ,got most people's proper titles and names, and those of SO we only knew by first names, and addresses, for all but half if those FI called where he thought he or his mom knew. We did have to email some of them. But all in all, easy, cheaper, and far more advance info on those not coming, that we never had to ask for. We did not have a website. All RSVP in before date, the last 12 people answered 2 weeks before our cut off date.
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  • Iris
    Expert May 2019
    Iris ·
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    I see what you’re trying to do but as you said it’s tricky because they won’t k ow how big their invited party will be. In our case we ordered about 15 extra invitations and we set a later RSVP date for those. As declines were coming in (we knew from before there was a 30% decline rate, we have 22% so far), we were able to send additional invitations to those extra guests that were on our list of people that we’d like to invite but didn’t quite make the primary guest list.

    Also, we had about 5 instances of people saying “I’m going with so and so”, despite what the invitation said. Very close people, so to avoid the drama we added that extra person(s) to the list, so be prepared, it might still happen, regardless of what you write on the RSVP.
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  • Ashley
    Dedicated August 2019
    Ashley ·
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    Why not skip save the dates and send out the invitations a few months earlier? That's what I did. Save the dates are a waste of money.
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  • Nichole
    Dedicated August 2019
    Nichole ·
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    I added my wedding website as an RSVP option. My guests really liked that option.
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  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
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    I don’t think this is necessarily tacky but it’s confusing to guests. People don’t expect to have to RSVP to a save the date and often can’t tell you they can or can’t make the wedding 6-8 months before the event. We’ve had people say they were going to make it after receiving it our STD and now won’t be able to attend because their plans have changed. That’s totally understandable and why our number aren’t based around who said they could go 8 months prior. They’ll be based on who responds to the invite about 2.5 months before and they’ve already made arrangements to come. If you don’t want to send STDs because you don’t have a lot of OOT guests maybe you can just send early invitations?
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  • Mandy
    VIP May 2019
    Mandy ·
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    Save the dates are usually sent when a majority of your guests are out of town/state and would need to make travel arrangements. They aren't a must though if you're wanting to save money.

    Everyone you want to attend your wedding should get a formal invitation and a RSVP card. Save the dates are not meant to be responded to but as a friendly "hey, we're getting married in the future, heads up" notice.

    We didn't send out save the dates because by the time we bought them, the envelopes, stamps, labels for addresses.. it would have been another $100 easily for something that's not a necessity. It's personal preference if you want to send them..but you should send invites/RSVPs to everyone on your guest list.

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Hi Chelsea, I wouldn't put an RSVP on your save the date. A "save the date" is just that... telling people to mark their calendars because they are going to be invited. If you ask for an RSVP, that's an invitation. I understand wanting to know who is coming as soon as possible, but try to be patient! I would just send your save the dates telling people the date and location, and do not ask for an RSVP. Then on your invitation, be very clear about who is invited. In addition to saying "we have reserved 2 seats in your honor" you can also fill out their names for them on the RSVP card to make it clear that those 2 seats are for the adults.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    That’s called b-listing and it’s incredibly rude. If someone declines, you don’t replace them.
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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    Are you planning to use the wedding wire wedding website? It has an RSVP option.

    So you could list your wedding website on the STD's and have the RSVP setup. You can't guarantee people will complete it, but i've seen other brides on here say that people rsvp'ed to their STD's because of the website option. Just a thought Smiley smile

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  • Cheryl
    Savvy June 2020
    Cheryl ·
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    We sent our STDs out last month for our wedding in June 2020 which included RSVPs.

    This is because we are coming to the US from the UK for our wedding and could not book our venue/reception until we knew numbers and had to give everyone time to save and book flights in the next few months.

    We also included on the RSVPs that we are having an adults only celebration

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    I think this is a bad idea and just adds so much unnecessary complications and confusion.

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