Kind of not wanting a bridal party at this rate

It sounds like the cousin is the problem. I'd bring up to her that it sounds like she has a lot on her plate and with the financial "burden," she doesn't have to worry about being in the wedding. As for the MOH and other bridesmaid, it sounds like they do want to be a part of it or they wouldn't ask for the dress information. I wouldn't cut them out due to the negativity from your cousin.

I am not having a bridal party. Not only because of the costs and extra planning, but also because I feel it will be much more special with just my fiance and I at the altar.

View Quoted Comment

I know they do. I just feel taken advantage of right now and hurt.

It sounds like everyone is trying to take over and stressing you out, and I'm so sorry about that hun In the end I know most people would say this, but it's really not anyone else's decision. I started off trying to make MY wedding and MY plans and timing convenient for everyone else and I ended up dang near having a mental breakdown trying to make it work for everyone else. Now I've reached a point where I no longer consult others about small decisions, I just give them the information (like sending out my Azazie info as well) and they can figure it out. We have alllll this time before the wedding so they have plenty of time to figure themselves out. There's no reason you shouldn't send out the info just so that everyone has it for when they need it.

As for your cousin, I don't know her, but it sounds like she's being difficult just for the Hell of it tbh. I understand there are bumps in the road and that we all go through hard times, but with the amount of time that y'all have until the wedding there is absolutely no reason she should be telling you that your special day is a "burden" on her. If anything she's burdening you with her behavior, and it's okay to admit that. Remember that there's still time for everything to fall into place the way it should, and that this should be a happy experience. People are gonna stress you until you finally let go of it and start doing things your way.

This sounds like a lot of emotions involved and I know that can be hard. Like Astarlitrose said that if it is such a "burden" for her to be in your wedding then excuse her from being in it. Your cousin has a lot of her plate and that's okay! People have lots of stuff going on usually but if she is not willing to understand how you feel and know all the information before she complains then it might be best to cut her out of it. It sounds to me like you are doing everything you can in order for your bridesmaids to enjoy their time and have fun at your wedding! This does not make you a burden in any way. I would just send in your stuff to Azazie and let your other bridesmaid and MOH know so they can do whatever they need to for them to order their dresses. I am sorry to hear that this is causing stress, unnecessary drama, and for you to feel guilty but please don't. You are doing your best to accommodate and that right there should help you not feel guilty about it hopefully. I hope it gets better and that there is less drama for you in the future.

View Quoted Comment I don't blame you for being hurt, but at the same time this is YOUR special day with your FH and not the drama queen's day. I also know you mentioned one of your bridesmaids is having health problems and you don't want to bother her - I'm disabled with a chronic illness that caused permanent nerve damage. When dealing with health issues, it's often great to get your mind off the health issues and focus on something else. Don't be afraid to reach out to her.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you, I think I needed to hear that. I just want everyone to have time to pick out a dress and figure out their finances for said dress. I just want to be courteous. I really want things to fall into place. I have realized in the past few weeks I just need to do things my way.

View Quoted Comment

Thank you. She said the same thing last night actually about getting her mind off her stuff and to send out dress info. Thought it would perk up her day a bit and take her mind off stuff.

View Quoted Comment

I truly am trying to make things easy for them and make it so they don't have added expenses. I want everyone to have fun. Thank you I hope it gets better too.

I'm happy to say that at least my dad is standing behind me on this one. I texted him about it and he said that my cousin has become someone she is not. He is correct on that one. I don't know this person anymore. My dad and I are going to meet for a beer after work. My dad is the best.

I’m so sorry that sounds so rough. I think you’d be perfectly justified in only having your MOH and maybe the friend with health issues, If she isn’t causing any drama? Ultimately it’s your day and your bridal party is there to support you, not cause you more stress. If you wanna send them the info now, do it. If they can’t buy the dress yet, they can wait till they have the money. And if they keep complaining(especially the girl that said your wedding was a burden) tell them you think it’s better that they do not stand up with you. That way they are not “burdened” but most importantly, you have peace.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks. No my girl with health issues isn't too bad. The only thing she complains about is that there is no single groomsmen. I can deal with that one lol.

We decided not to have a bridal party for several reasons. No drama, no extra expense for us or them and venue space. We are having an honorary Best Man (his dad) and MOH (my cousin) but they were given no requirements and will not be walking down the aisle or standing with us. This is also both of our second marriage so we cut out everything that wasn't necessary or that we cared about. I don't regret it at all!

Oh My God, I totally feel for you, and feel your pain as well. I started out with 4 bridesmaids: 1 had to drop out because her husband is having surgery at the VA (and my Wedding weekend was the only time that he could get in--otherwise he would have had to wait until January); another girl just had a death in the family and she is the executor of the estate--I consider both of these as legitimate excuses. That left me with two BMs.

Well, last week, BM #3 bailed because her boyfriend has a trade show in New York that same weekend and she is going with him. She called me to tell me this while I was on my way home from work, and we are like 6 weeks out of the wedding! I was so PO'd that I started screaming into the phone. I told her (in no uncertain terms) that she had known about this wedding for over 9 months, and that she had committed to being a BM back then. I told her that she was being rude and selfish to back out for something so trivial as a trade show.

Once home, I told my FH, who then told his Best Man what had transpired--my FH, his Best Man and I all are (were) friends with this woman. None of us were ready for the next surprise: apparently, my ex BM had just called the Best Man a few minutes earlier to tell him the same thing--that she was prioritizing her BF's trade show over a wedding of some close friends. Well, all three of us blew up--this lady had not only hurt me (by bowing out so late and for no good reason), but also hurt my FH and his best man. She then proceeded to send a series of incredibly rude texts, telling the best man that he was "just drunk" (which he wasn't) and then saying that "she would TRY to show up so as to make it look like I have friends," to which my FH responded "I guess trade shows are major life events, huh?"

So now, I am down to just my MOH. I was so mad because I had already purchased the BM's gifts. Now, instead of having 4 girls to match FH's 4 guys, I will have 1 girl and no bachelorette party.

I can't believe that some people in their 50s can still behave like kids on a playground! I thought this kind of catty crap ended in 8th grade, or, at least, at high school graduation!

On sending gown info: if you want any matching gowns, your philosophy is wrong. Because bridesmaids gowns are discontinued 3 times a year. And if some buy now, those who go to buy in 3,6, 9 months this may be unable to, because the style or color has been discontinued . No matching gowns, then yes, they can order at any time. Bridesmaids gowns are usually purchased at 4 months or less, since they come in on order in 2-8 weeks mostly, sometimes 10. And while people will pay $200 to alter a $1600 wedding dress, no one wants to spend $200 to alter a $200 dress, doubling the cost, because the BM changed 2 sizes or 15 pound plus in the 9 months to a year since she bought it. Weight changes, or pregnancies, make it best to fit the dress at 3-4 months out, depending on manufacturer schedule. I used to work in the industry. Shops, or sites like Azazie, always have a list of what is being delivered kept in stock for the upcoming 4 months of orders. So all should buy dresses within a 4 month timeline, usually 3-5 months out. Your holdout bridesmaid wants notice from you of what is actually available to buy at the proper time, not what is out there now and may get discontinued 8 months before the wedding .

View Quoted Comment Yeah I'm just so done with the bs. I ended up sending my MOH and other bridesmaid there dress information because they have been asking me. They can get their stuff figured out.

If my cousin wants to be in the wedding that's fine. If not I get where her and I stand.

A trade show really? That's more important. Wow. That's ridiculous.

View Quoted Comment Everyone is in different gowns just the same color. So yeah. If they want the information early that's fine. I prefer organized people compared to disorganized. And while I appreciate your information. That wasn't the point of the post. It was that I am upset about someone causing drama and taking advantage of me.

View Quoted Comment I was interrupted by 2 needy 4 yr olds. Bedtime I was going to say that you may need to watch the dress info. But that is the only thing in the whole mess you can do anything about. The rest of the stuff, including her custody issues, financial issues and such, you cannot take on your shoulders. You can feel sympathy. But making alternate plans or concessions, no. 7-8 months down the road, she needs to look at her finances, and decide, in or out. And she may well do it earlier. But it is inexpensive, relatively. And you and family need not turn backflips to please people. Just tell her, she knows what she needs to about costs, and either now or at 5 months out, she needs to decide. But you do not want to discuss every budgetary problem, or all the marital stuff, any more. You need to focus on problems, or thing to plan, that you can actually do something about. Except the timing of the dress, nothing she talks about fits. She needs to not spill every detail of her problems, all the time, month after month. And you need to be strong enough to firmly but politely tell her so. If she gets upset and wants out, no problem, sorry it did not work out. But these endless negotiations are not a person trying to solve her problems, but one placing her burdens on everyone else, though there is nothing you or anyone in the wedding can help deal with. Tell her, stop.

View Quoted Comment

How is she taking advantage of you?

View Quoted Comment

By trying to get around having to hire an attorney. She assumes I will just ask the attorney I work for her questions to "help" her out.