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Mattie
Savvy November 2021

No bridal party?

Mattie, on August 18, 2019 at 11:31 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 18
My fiancé and I are caught in the dilemma of having a bridal party or not. I’m worried that I’ll end up doing everything myself (when my mom had her second marriage, my aunts aka her bridesmaids did absolutely nothing) and I don’t want to start any drama in my friend group. My fiancé only has two friends he is close too and I believe one of them he has had little contact with in the past year or two. I, on the other hand, have at least 2 people who I would want to ask if we went that route and could make it a third, if I wanted to avoid some drama. Any and all insights welcome.

PS-the wedding is 11/14/21 so there is time. I’m just an over planner.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Concetta, on August 19, 2019 at 11:19 AM
  • Ashley
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    Hi, Mattie! Congrats on your engagement 😊
    My FH & I decided against a bridal party- we’re just having 2 maids of honor (my cousin & best friend) & 2 best men (his childhood best friend & adulthood best friend). Neither one of us wanted to feel like we had to ask people to be bridesmaids/groomsmen out of obligation (familial pressure, etc.) so this was the best option for us. I’ve heard from brides with larger wedding parties that they wish they had kept them smaller because sometimes the bigger the wedding party the more likelihood of drama occurring. Just a thought!
    Happy planning! Smiley smile
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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    You’re going to get a lot of people telling you your bridal party isn’t obligated to do anything except buy the dress/suit you choose and stand next to you on the day. My two bridesmaids live a 3 hour plane ride from me. They organised a hen party for me, and I bounced ideas off them, but that was it. Planning the wedding really is on you and your fiancé. I couldn’t have imagined my wedding day without my two girls standing next to me, which is why I picked them. When you envision your ceremony, what do you see?
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  • Mattie
    Savvy November 2021
    Mattie ·
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    Thanks! It’s really hard since we are planning and paying for it ourselves. We wouldn’t have more than a total of 6 in our party. We met with the rabbi and Bridal party just kept popping up in relation to putting center pieces on the table etc.
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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    You shouldn't end up doing everything yourself. There are two of you getting married, and the work should be divided between you. But a bridal party is not obligated to help. So have one if you have people you are close to whom you'd like to stand up with you, and don't have one if you don't.

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  • K
    Savvy September 2020
    KitKat ·
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    I'm having 8 bridesmaids (1 of whom will be MOH) and 1 bridesman/bridesbro (still debating title) and FH is having 8 groomsmen (1 of whom will be a BM). Honestly, I'm a total planner and a little bit of a detail freak so I'm planning everything myself. My MOH has offered countless times to help with planning but since she lives in a different state I don't even know how to have her help, I'm just happy to have her with me the week of the wedding (I'm having a big fat Indian wedding so its a week long affair). All I expect from my crew is to show up for wedding week and help me put together centerpieces the night before the ceremony and put them out on tables, they'll be responsible for their own clothing but I have no restrictions on what they wear except for the ceremony day which I will be providing full outfits for. I may be being naive on how much there is to do but the wedding is in May 2020 and I'm blissfully ignorant right now. I will have my MOH and one of the bridesmaids help plan the bachelorette since a lot of the girls aren't super close as they're from different stages of my life. Honestly, I would be happy to plan my own bachelorette but I hear that's a major faux pas. Do whatever feels right for you, if you think having a bridal party is going to add drama, then skip it, your friends will still be there for you day of, just not in matching outfits.

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  • Mattie
    Savvy November 2021
    Mattie ·
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    Thanks. We are doing a traditional Jewish wedding so while he and I are supposed to be getting ready (ie hair, make up, first look photos) we are also supposed to be setting up The ceremony and reception hall which thankful are at the same place, then photos and then a signing of a traditional wedding contract with family then boom it’s wedding time. I know some of my friends might be willing to help since some of my friends are still in college but will be finished by wedding date, I know some other friends decide to do things in groups such as ride sharing to the event, etc which makes it difficult plus thinking about traffic etc; so basically without a wedding party it falls on me, FH and my mom to set it all up; his father is pretty unwilling currently to do anything so we’re at a wall. I often just wonder what having a bridal party is supposed to say to the world.
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  • K
    Savvy September 2020
    KitKat ·
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    I'm not quite sure what it says to the world, but that may just be because culturally Indian weddings don't traditionally have bridal parties. I would not give a wedding without a bridal party a second thought to be honest. Would it be possible for you to hire some someone to help set up the ceremony/reception all, or would it be possible for you to get in there the night before to set up? Setting up a whole event with just your mom and FH to help while you're supposed to be getting ready seems really stressful so I would suggest getting as much help as possible and of course pre prepping.

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  • Mattie
    Savvy November 2021
    Mattie ·
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    We are definitely taking our time and thinking about the whole situation. We’ve looked into day of wedding planners and the cheapest starts at $800 which I would much rather spend somewhere else in the budget. Unfortunately, we won’t have access to the site the night before, the earliest we could get it would be 1-2pm with the ceremony starting at 5pm. It’s definitely stressful just thinking about what is going to be going on that day without adding in set up. I’ll keep you in the loop!
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Wedding parties do not have to be even. I think you two should pick the closest people to you if you want. You should not worry about what they will and will not go, having same number, if you have grooms women or brides man.
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    Isn’t 2 maids of honor and 2 best man a bridal party? I am confused.
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  • Mattie
    Savvy November 2021
    Mattie ·
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    It is but we are thinking of not having one at all so in the traditional wedding (not Jewish) it would just be us and our officiant. Jewish weddings you have your parents (and soon to be in laws), the Rabbi, a cantor (optional), your bridal party (if there) AND four people at the post of the chuppa (to symbolize your future house).
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    We're skipping the bridal party. The only friends I am inviting are super close friends that would have been in my bridal party if I were having one. If you need a little help here and there, a true friend will help because they want to. A bridal party isn't required to do anything except wear the dress and walk down the aisle.
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  • K
    Savvy September 2020
    KitKat ·
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    I totally get it, I looked into a day of coordinator and it seemed like too much to spare. Luckily we had to get a decorator to build our mandap ( the traditional 4 pillared structure) and they offered to put our centerpieces out for $2/table, since they were so affordable I'm having them do some simple aisle decor as well. I'll be buying bulk floral from Costco and putting together the centerpieces the night before with my bridesmaids/family and then my dad will transport them to the venue for the decorators to put out. Luckily the venue takes care of the rest in terms of linens and they provide us with a mirror and votives for each table. Our bigger event (the reception) is the following day and I'll be using fake orchids in water so they can be prepped well ahead of time and just filled and placed day of. I agree with other the others in the sense that your true friends will help because they want to regardless of whether they have an official title or not. Keep us posted on what you decide to do!

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Last time I counted, 2MOH plus 2 Best Men equalled 4 in the bridal or wedding party.🤗
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    By Feb 2021, when you should be deciding who you want as bridesmaids or groomsmen, you may have 2 new friends each, and no longer see one you have now. Avoid one of the big dramas of many weddings, and do not ask them before 9 months out. That way you know who is still around, who is thinking of getting engaged, or setting their own wedding near yours, who is likely leaving for school, military or another place, and may e pregnancies . For some things, planning too early creates the misery of doing things twice, a problem in many BP chosen too early. Most brides I know do not depend on their wedding party, or hire any coordinator, to do set up and such. Usually one friend or family member old enough to have been in a few weddings, and a few people hired for a few hours, not at day of rates but more like $20 an hour, set up. Or their Church, are synagogue has a service circle of women who do it as a group, and your low cost fee is donated to the congregation. Or people hire a couple of retirees to dress the tables and such, or work with a waitstaff set up person to do it. I used to do a lot of catering work, lots of weddings, in 3 different states. And until I saw one of these team wedding unreality shows, I had never seen a bridal party do set up. Except if a relative, like a sister BM worked with MOB. Very often a relative, or low level hired people. Some caterers have waitstaff who will come early for extra flower and centerpiece type stuff. Pay one hundred dollars to 2 of them, not a huge coordinator fee which around here starts at $1200 for day of.
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    This will ultimately be a personal decision. Whether you have a bridal party or not, you will still probably be doing everything yourself. I had a bridal party, and they weren't much help. Except for the actual wedding weekend...they did pitch in with set up & take down. Honestly, I didn't want a bridal party and wish I didn't have one...would have been less hassle. I only had one, because my husband really wanted one. Although, I think only having 2-3 might be easier. This is just something you will have to decide with your FH. I would sit down with him and discuss y'all's expectations. Then if you decide to have a bridal party, I'd be upfront with them on what it is you need help with (like help with setting up / cleaning up on the wedding day), that way they can decide if they are up for the position or not. Good luck, and happy planning!

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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    Since the wedding isn't for 2+ years I would wait a year to ask anyone.

    Unlike many posters we are asking our wedding party for help setting up, prepping non-cooked appetizers (fruit platter, breads and dips, etc), break down, and clean up. We were 100% upfront that we would need help and they were not obligated to do it in order to be in the wedding party. We will also have some other helping hands so it won't be a daunting task for anyone. Set up and food prep is night before, break down and clean up is day of. We know for certain one of our wedding party will not be helping and that's ok.
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  • Concetta
    Super March 2020
    Concetta ·
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    Hi,

    honestly I wish that I just had a maid of honor and best man I regret doing a bridal party

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