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Just Said Yes December 2019

No kids at my wedding..when do we tell people?

Melanie, on November 14, 2018 at 12:09 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18

When is the best time to tell our families/friends with children that we are not inviting kids to our reception? Our wedding is one year away and we are starting to get questions about our planning process.

I want to be able to explain to family that to keep us within budget and space, it would be too much to invite every child (and I don't want people offended if one child came from one family and not theirs). Plus our venue charges kids at the same price as adults, including the beverage package (I highly doubt a 10 year old will be drinking like a 30 year old). Also I have more kids on my side, with ages ranging from 1 to 14 years old.

18 Comments

Latest activity by LoweryForLife, on November 15, 2018 at 8:35 AM
  • Meghan
    Super September 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I would say anyone with kids who asks you directly tell them. We put on our wedding website that our wedding is 16+ and we'll make sure the invitations are worded so that people know this.


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  • N
    Expert August 2019
    N ·
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    Put it on the save the dates. If you speak to everyone in the family regularly drop that in there. Most of my family already knows and we are getting married in the summer. I think the sooner you rip off the bandaid the better. They’ve got more time to find childcare and all that. Don’t let anyone bully you into inviting their kid either because apparently that’s a thing now 🙄
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  • Aja
    Dedicated January 2020
    Aja ·
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    We're putting it on our invitations and wedding site. Just something simple like "unfortunately we cannot accommodate children due to restricted seating" etc, ought to get the point across without offending anyone. I wouldn't worry about letting anyone know until the invitations/save the dates are out though. If they ask you directly, then just say something like "sorry, but probably not, there's restricted seating" or whatever other excuse you want to use.

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  • Autumn
    Dedicated September 2019
    Autumn ·
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    For those who ask in person, that have kids, tell them directly! Other wise, I'd say you would be safe to put it on your save the dates. And maybe include a nice note with the invitations a well when you send them out. just as a last reminder so your guest get that clear picture, with out you coming off rude! I found some examples! Hope this helped!❤

    No kids at my wedding..when do we tell people? 1

    No kids at my wedding..when do we tell people? 2
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  • Nicole
    Expert September 2018
    Nicole ·
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    As a parent, please dont use the 'evening off' language. Its perfectly fine to have a child free wedding but don't act like you're doing me a favor when the kid free thing has nothing to do with me going out for the evening
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  • NVV2B
    VIP January 2019
    NVV2B ·
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    Non parent here - but other parents on these forums have said that anything worded as having a date night, or evening off rubs them the wrong way. Because of that, I did not use any similar wording. We addressed our save the dates to only the adults. Our invitations are also only addressed to the adults as well. In our FAQs on our website we have a question that says "Are Kids welcome?" "We have chosen to have an adults only ceremony & reception. Thank you for understanding."

    Last Christmas, my cousin who was pregnant at the time made a comment about a little one being at our wedding, I didnt say anything to her then since that was not really the time to correct her. Other than that - no one has asked us, and if they do we will leave it simple and vague - we are unable to accommodate children.

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  • Shaunte
    Expert December 2021
    Shaunte ·
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    Couple of options:

    1. Address the save the dates and invitations to the people who are actually invited

    2. Make sure you don't use the "& Family" language anywhere

    3. On the RSVP cards you can say "we have reserved __ seats in your honor."

    4. If you have a wedding website, make sure to add an FAQ that says you have chosen to have an adults only ceremony and reception. But don't indicate that this is a date night for the parents - a lot of parents I've seen on here find it rude as PPs have said.

    Overall, just be direct when people ask. "We are unable to accommodate any children and we understand if you won't be able to make." Don't give them an opportunity to attempt to guilt you into making exceptions - because they will. I watched my friend go through this for his wedding. It was a mess.

    FH has a TON of children on his side - I have none. If we were to add the children on his side, we would have to add at least 30 people. Our guest list is already around 225. No thanks!!!!!

    We've compromised and we're only including his one niece, one nephew, one RB, two FGs, and his son.

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  • LoweryForLife
    Devoted December 2018
    LoweryForLife ·
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    I actually really like this! I honestly don't see how it could be taken wrong. Most of my friends with children are actively seeking childcare because they want a night off to come to our wedding. And have used that exact wording. And we don't care if you bring children or not to our wedding lol. Most people just want a break. Which I get.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would make a wedding website and put it in your FAQs. Then I'd send out save the dates addressed to ONLY the parent's in the household. People will get the hint, and you can do the same for your invites.

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  • Nicole
    Expert September 2018
    Nicole ·
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    It's the difference between deciding you want a night out and being told the couple is doing you a favor by "letting you have a night out". I know people choose not to have kids because its cheaper, keeps numbers down and can be quieter - those are all perfectly valid reasons, but don't act like you're doing me some favor when you've chosen it for your own benefit
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  • LoweryForLife
    Devoted December 2018
    LoweryForLife ·
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    I politely disagree Smiley smile Just a matter of opinion.
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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    We made sure to specifically address the STDs and invitations to only the adults. I also made it a point to casually bring it up. Like at a family party I said "Yeah well since it's going to be an adults only wedding we're having a full open bar!" (or something like that) so that word spread that kids weren't invited.

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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I am sending out save the dates soon with the website on it and that info is on there. Also the rsvp cards will have the number invited when I send those out. Then if ppl still ask I’ll tell them when they ask.
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  • queenbee
    VIP October 2018
    queenbee ·
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    Address your STDs to only the parents (Mr. and Mrs. Smith), and spread the news about the child-free wedding via word of mouth. We let our parents and bridal party know in advance, so that if anyone asked about it they would have the answer. You can also put a note about it being adults-only on your wedding website if you have one, as PP said! You don’t need to give your guests any reasoning as to why you’re having an adults-only wedding — it’s your choice and your choice alone. If you tell people that it’s a budget thing sometimes they’ll say that they can pay for the kid, if you say it’s because of space people may say that it’s ok, their kid can sit on their lap. Don’t give people the opportunity to do that!
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  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
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    I think you will get the message across easiest by just writing "adult only ceremony and reception" across your website, STDs, and invites (I have had people write this and while I do not have kids I do not find it offensive). I agree that it saying you are giving parents a night off is weird. They have to respect your decision to have adult only, and if not they can choose not to come. But if anyone asks directly before those points of contact, just tell them. Also address to only adults.

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  • V
    Super April 2019
    Valerie ·
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    Address the invitation only to adults. If you have a lot of kids in the family, I would add the line 'Adult Only Ceremony and Reception' at the bottom. I know it isn't perfect etiquette to state who isn't invited on the invitation. But if there is anything these forums have taught me is people DO NOT understand basic etiquette that an invitation is for the person it is addressed to.

    Society makes me sad... I may have had a mini rant to my high school (chemistry) students about how to properly RSVP.... Perhaps they will remember it when the time comes.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    It is polite to say who is invited, on a written invitation. It is not polite to say who, or what members of a family, are NOT invited. Did you ever receive an invitation to a graduation party, inviting you and your SO, that said anywhere on it, we hope you understand that we do not have room for your parents, grandparents, or brothers and sisters, so please come and enjoy a night without them??? If asked, tell people, in general, or if they are asking about their own children, or any relatives who live with them. But please do not put on invitations who you are not inviting, individually, or as a group, no elderly relatives, no disabled family who will take your time and attention... no children. Exclusionary language is not ever appropriate on an actual invitation . Wording it in a cute way does not change that, and will irritate people who actually are fine with not bringing their kids, but find you highly rude, or socially inept, for putting any exclusionary statement on an invitation.
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  • LoweryForLife
    Devoted December 2018
    LoweryForLife ·
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    Again, i politely disagree. Just a matter if opinion.
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