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Paris
August 2019

Unsupportive Friend

Paris, on July 7, 2019 at 7:38 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10
So my best friend is getting married in September and I’m not really for it. I haven’t said anything to her about it, but I haven’t been very supportive. My friend is a serial dater who jumps into long term relationships one after the other. When she ended her last relationship I told her maybe she should take some time for herself because she’s never ever been single. She did not take my advice and IMMEDIATELY moved from the ex’s house to the now fiancé’s house. She instantly took on the role of stepmom to his son and like 2/3 months later she was pregnant and I was very disappointed. I had to remind myself that it’s not my life and I became excited for the baby. Her boyfriend proposed to her at their gender reveal and I was happy for her..in the beginning. She started to catch him texting other women, multiple times and hearing about things. She does hair and her clients would know about him entertaining other women and tell her about it. He went to his class reunion and she asked him to let her know if his ex was there and to call her, but he didn’t. He ignored her all night and was taking pictures with his high school sweetheart and she found out by seeing the pics on other people’s pages. He would also go out almost every weekend while she was pregnant and at home taking care of his son. After she had their baby he was still texting other women and she was distraught and thinking about postponing the wedding. He did something so nice for her on Valentines Day and it was all on social media, but 2 days later she found out he had been cheating on her their entire relationship, even when she was in the hospital having their child! She spoke with the ex and the ex told her all the details, he even told her that my friend was supporting him financially. We had a girls night one night at my house and she broke down crying, a loud screeching gut wrenching cry and it broke my heart. I thought she would take some time to think about this, but the wedding is still on. All of this happened in February and the wedding is in September. None of her friends are in the wedding so I haven’t tried to help much. She has been portraying such a perfect relationship on social media and has also been doing a healing group for women and everything seems so fake to me and this is why I have been so distant. She told my mom that she feels like her friends have abandoned her. It’s hard for me to be there for her knowing all of this information because I feel like it’s so rushed. I texted her the other day to talk because her bridal shower is coming up and we haven’t spoke in about a month and she’s very guarded and defensive right now and making FB statuses about removing people from her life. It’s all too much for me. Am I wrong to feel the way that I do and what should I say when I talk to her. Please help!

10 Comments

Latest activity by Paris, on July 8, 2019 at 11:46 AM
  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
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    Wow that's a tough situation. You never want to see your friend in a bad relationship and being mistreated. He's shown his true colors, she knows what she's getting into. She may be afraid of raising the baby on her own or being alone. All you can do is be there for her and support her. I hope she comes to her senses before Sept. She deserves much better.
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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    I don't think youre wrong to be unsupportive. I have a similar friend. I sat down and asked myself if it was more important to me to have her as a friend or to have peace of mind.
    It was friendship for me, we talked it out, she managed to get the guy in couple's counseling and they're in a good place.
    You gotta ask yourself is this woman worth it?
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  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
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    I would let her know you are there for her what ever she decides. That you will help and love her no mater what. She know about him do now it is up to her. I am sorry it is hard seeing people that think being in a relationship is more important then being treated properly.
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  • Stacey
    Devoted July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    If I put myself in your shoes and this was my best friend...I would always be there for her. She would know how I feel about the situation but I would never abandon her. Ultimately, it’s her life and her decision. Whether it’s right or wrong it’s her choice. I would tell her, you know I love you and will always be here but are you sure you want to do this. Explain how she can do better and the FH will have no choice but to help financially if that is what she is worried about. I hope she comes to her senses, I hate hearing about these kinds of situations. Obviously, there is a reason why she is scared to be alone.
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  • Paris
    August 2019
    Paris ·
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    I’m so confused
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  • Paris
    August 2019
    Paris ·
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    Thank you all for the advice, I needed it desperately.
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    I don't think you're wrong in your feelings but I feel like you might be a little off in your delivery. Trust me, your friend needs you there for her now more than ever. Let her know that you support her and are there for her, unconditionally. Even if you don't approve of every decision she makes, you love her. And alienating her from friends is just going to make it harder for her to leave a bad situation.

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  • #RMC2019
    Expert July 2019
    #RMC2019 ·
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    I understand this a whollleee lot. The difference is I'm on the receiving end. However, there are no issues is my relationship to cause any ill feelings with my friend but over the past 8 months it just seems like she isn't interested. Because I have 18 days left before I say I DO I asked her if there were issues. Her issue is with another Bridesmaid that I have. Sometimes you try and try and you get tired of trying. So I've got tired of trying to figure out her issues, plan my wedding, be happy and enjoy living. So for me it is what it is. This has been my Best friend for 21 years. I have no idea if it's a Jealousy thing or more of a personal thing for her ( own life issues). I give people the benefit of the doubt as you should give your friend until there is something done to make you feel that she no longer deserves that. Also Pray on it. Everything will be revealed on God's time... Good Luck.
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  • Fwbride
    Super July 2024
    Fwbride ·
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    I was in your same position a few years ago with my best friend and she ended up marrying the guy no matter how much I asked her to stop and seriously think about what she was doing. She didn’t want to be the girl who broke off an engagement to her baby daddy. They got divorced a year later. And she continued to serial date until it got to the point where she slept with my then fiancé (now ex) and I ended our friendship. That was her rock bottom moment. A year later she had started therapy and was in a women’s group, going to church, working hard to support her kids, and we reconnected. I forgave her, and now we have a great relationship and she’s with a really great guy and taking things slow.

    Moral of of the story is, there’s nothing you can do to change her mind or stop the train wreck from happening. You are going to have to let her hit rock bottom so she can look up and realize for herself that this is not where she wants to be. You need to be there to give her a hand when she’s ready to get up and work her way up to a better place.
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  • Paris
    August 2019
    Paris ·
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    It’s hard for me to be there because I’m thinking about after the wedding. I don’t know how our relationship will be after. This social media presence that she’s putting up is so fake to me. This is a big contribution to how I feel about our relationship. I mean the things she posts literally makes me cringe. I feel like she can’t help other women because she can’t even help herself so I don’t see me supporting her in that and that might bot be good for our friendship.
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