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Just Said Yes October 2017

We hated our wedding

SK, on March 16, 2019 at 9:15 PM Posted in Married Life 1 15
Hello! For a lot of reasons — family drama, timing, etc. — my husband and I hated the wedding we had a little over a year ago. I look at the pictures or even see pictures of other people’s weddings and cry. I have overwhelming guilt because of the money and time both of our families spent. We have both been talking about how it doesn’t even feel like we’re married because we try so hard to not remember th day/weekend. To be clear we are both happy to be married to each other and love each other and will have a totally happy life. I feel silly even feeling like this about 1 stupid day. But is there any advice from anyone about moving forward? I’ve been thinking about a vow renewal with just the two of us somewhere special. I know it won’t replace the day but maybe it would help?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on October 16, 2022 at 2:06 PM
  • Bridget
    VIP August 2019
    Bridget ·
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    That sounds like a great idea, just go on an anniversary to somewhere special and do a small renewal!
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  • Jeanelle
    Super September 2018
    Jeanelle ·
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    That sounds wonderful. Sorry your day wasn't as planned and your memories of it werent great. You're totally not alone! Do what you need to do and know that you'll have a lifetime ahead of love and happiness. A special day for a renewal could totally do the trick!
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  • Tara
    Master May 2020
    Tara ·
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    Oh no, that is unfortunate. I recommend you definitely do what you suggested with having a vow renewal with just only the two of you.
    I'm so glad I opted for a 20 guest wedding, I absolutely hate being the center of attention and spending money.
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  • Emilie
    Super April 2019
    Emilie ·
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    Before I got to the end of your post I was already thinking to say you should plan a vow renewal with hubby, and MAYBE a close friend or two that you know without a doubt would make it special and bring no drama! I'm so sorry you two didnt get to enjoy your day.
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  • Expert May 2021
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    I would for sure do a vow renewal on your anniversary. If you want to wear your dress again do that and get a little cake to cut, the whole nine yards. Plan a nice little trip out of it.
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  • Devoted June 2020
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    I'm sorry your day was ruined. Do a vowel renewal. Find a special day that has a special meaning for that date.
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  • Lc
    Super September 2018
    Lc ·
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    I second everyone else, and I also think that if you can afford it, I’d hire a photographer just for an hour or two to take some nice photos for you to look back on and feel happy. Since you don’t really love your original wedding photos. I’ve seen someone do this in PA at a private garden and it was beautiful. Just the two of them, gorgeous photos, small cake, private dance together. Super romantic.

    Whatever you decide, good luck! 💕
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Rockstar March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    I think a vow renewal sounds great! And even better your husband feels the same way and is open to it.
    💕
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  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    I think a vow renewal is an excellent idea.

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  • Alexandra
    Super December 2018
    Alexandra ·
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    Yeah, I think a vow renewal for your anniversary would be really nice, and doesn't have to be expensive... It's not about forgetting your original day, but making nice memories about your happy married life since then. Just focus on how this too has brought you more together, bad times (and good). Also, you both planning the renewal might be a nice way to focus on your strengths as a couple to overcome adversities...

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  • K
    Devoted September 2019
    Katelyn ·
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    That sounds like a great idea! Super sweet and romantic!

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  • Mrs. Cohen
    Super October 2018
    Mrs. Cohen ·
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    I did not hate our wedding entirely, but there were things I did hate and certain photos (even lack of photos), just make me straight up sad, 5 months later.

    The in-laws (whom I already didn't love before the wedding), had all sorts of issues & attitudes during the day (there was BIG drama with them actually that has caused hubby and I to distance ourselves quite a bit from them), but every time I see wedding photos with them in it, I just get angry. Then the DJ honestly ruined the last 3 hours of our wedding, from forgetting mine and my husband's first dance, to blowing a speaker and taking 30 minutes to get music back on, to then just having zero energy and playing awful songs. So looking at most of the photos from the reception, including our first dance, I get sad thinking of the bad memories of what happened. Then some of our photos show the dumb ribbon belt that came with my gown. I kick myself for not getting a thin sparkly belt instead, so of course those photos irritate me and when I see photos of other brides with same/similar gowns without the dumb ribbon belt, I get super envious and even more mad at myself lol To top things off, although I absolutely am head-over-heels in love with so many of our wedding photos, the more I look at our photos and wedding boards on Pinterest, the more I realize that we didn't get a lot of the photos we really really wanted, not just poses, but photos with certain guests too. I have no photo with my best friend Jake, whom I've known since Kindergarten, or some of my family's friends who are like a second family to me. That bums me out more than anything I think.


    So, the way I'm kind of getting past it is this:

    1) When I come on WW, I avoid all BAM/PROBAM posts. I don't want to compare my wedding to anyone else's anymore (this has helped tremendously!)

    2) I also completely avoid my own wedding board on Pinterest as well as other wedding boards; again, to avoid comparing.

    3) I focus on the things that DID go right on our wedding day as well the photos I DO love.

    4) The hubby and I have talked about hiring a professional photographer to take photos of us in Joshua Tree National Park in April 2020; it's our favorite NP and where we got engaged! We've been focusing on getting healthier and working out, so we'll be looking & feeling good come next April. And then we'll have some great photos of us that won't be associated with anything negative like some of our wedding photos are.

    5) We also discuss renewing our vows on our 5 year anniversary. We want to do something completely different from our actual wedding and renew in Vegas (maybe not with Elvis though lol) or in a city we love like San Francisco and only invite a handful of people to come witness and party with us.


    All of these things help me move forward and focus on the positive aspects of our wedding day as well as gives me some great things to look forward to with my husband! I hope some of these ideas will be helpful for you as well Smiley smile

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  • F
    Super April 2019
    Future Mrs. Polar Bear ·
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    That actually sounds like a great idea! Just the two of you together, secretly. Totally romantic and special for you both.

    Go for it!

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  • L
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Lisa ·
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    Boy oh boy am I going through this now. My wedding was just last week. It's all a blur. Our photographer and videographer were awful. My dress was ruined in alterations. Family was giving us a hard time about getting a dress. Everything seemed rushed. It was raining. We barely got any posed photos, no family photos, bridal party photos, I forgot to put my veil on. Noone told me hey where is your veil? It was a mess. We did not enjoy ourselves at the reception. I danced a little. He danced even less. I feel like I didn't connect with people like I wanted. I am really sad about it. I wish we could get a do I er already and it's been a week. Never wanted a wedding because I feared this. We had 90 people. Too big for us. Everyone swears they had fun, but could also tell we didn't. It was a mess to me. We have to do photos over. It just a lot. So overwhelming. I feel so bad it was so much money and we had so many people come, but I just didn't get the feeling I wanted from it. I hope that one day maybe in a year like you are your husband, we can move passed it. Hopefully sooner. God bless your union. I am blessed to have married my husband and that's what I told on to.
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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Ashley ·
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    May I ask if you ended up doing this? Going through this now and my depression /the emotional trauma is ruining our marriage. Hoping to replace it with some better memories that don’t involve my mom screaming at me leaving me sobbing moments before I walked do2n the aisle. Worst day of my life.
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