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MrsD
Legend July 2019

What Do I Do with these No Responses?

MrsD, on June 17, 2019 at 10:50 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 34

Our RSVP date was June 10, by that point we were still waiting on 61 people to RSVP. We contacted all of them the next day (June 11). We've heard back from most of them, but we are waiting on 20 people. What do I do in these situations?

1. B & B (Couple, wife told me right before RSVP date she was waiting on her work schedule to be released. No update yet. 2 guests total.)

2. M Family (Fiance's cousin, told me she was waiting on her daughter's softball schedule but still no response. 4 guests total.)

3. S Family (My two cousins & their wives & 1 baby - not super close to them - reached out a week ago via group text & no response. 5 guests total.)

4. S (bridesmaid's boyfriend - she told me he doesn't know his work schedule but would let me know soon - haven't heard anything yet. 1 guest total.)

5. A (groomsmen's daughter - they told me she wouldn't need a meal but would still like a seat - no update on if they are bringing her or not. 1 guest total.)

6. M Family (Fiance's other cousin, parents told me they are coming but never responded when I asked about 2 kids. 2 guests total.)

7. J (Fiance's friend, he texted him last week and no response. 1 guest total.)

8. 4 FF (two couples, friend's of fiance's father, no response at all. 4 guest total.)

I don't mind planning for an extra 1, 2, or 3 people but an extra 20 is a lot of money. I have to give FINAL count 14 days out for bar & dessert & caterer. I have to give final count to our guest transportation in 3 days (it's optional, not all guests are using it). I need to finalize linen & china order 2 weeks out too, so I'll probably finalize my seating chart then. Do I reach out to some or all again? Do I count them all as no? All as yes? UGH!

34 Comments

Latest activity by MrsD, on June 17, 2019 at 2:04 PM
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Ugh, people are so rude and it never ceases to amaze me! You need to know about the transportation by Thursday, you're saying? So I would reach out one more time to everyone today, and tell them you need a commitment by Wednesday. They've had plenty of time to make a decision... you are hosting them, and they should not be causing YOU extra stress. Like I said, give them one more chance, let them know they have 2 more days, and if not, you're sorry but you can't accommodate them, period!

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  • Mrs. H
    Master September 2019
    Mrs. H ·
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    I completely agree with this! ^

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  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I would reach out again today and explain you need to have a yes or no answer from them by Wednesday because you final numbers need to be in on Thursday morning. And tell them if you do not here back from them by Wednesday at like 7pm they will be an automatic no.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I know, I'm so bummed. Especially because we've reached out. Most of the people we are waiting on have planned a wedding in the last 10 years so that is ridiculous. Okay, I will! I didn't know if reaching out again would be weird or not, but I think it's necessary. I'd prefer to count them as "no" but my fear is they show up or tell me way later. I think you are right for sure though, I'll do that today again.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Thank you, me too!

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  • NextChapterReady
    Super October 2019
    NextChapterReady ·
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    I would be super frustrated if I were you, so I feel your pain! I would probably try to reach out one last time and just let them know, if I don't hear back in the next day i'll unfortunately have to count your rsvp as a no due to timing restrictions on the guest count.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I will! Yeah the only vendor we NEED is transportation (two or three 55 person buses) but I think we are leaning towards two anyway. We have 115 "yes" right now and already several people have indicated they won't take it and will just drive (mostly older guests) so we have some open space on the bus even if all those people said they wanted to take it but it would be SUPER close. To me, if you don't respond you can't really think you can just go? And it means no? But I know not everyone thinks that so checking is good.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Trust me, I am. Especially since we took the time to text everyone individually AFTER the date. But gave them 6 weeks to RSVP before our date with a website RSVP & stamped/addressed envelopes. I'm just bummed we wasted so much on postage for people to still not think it's necessary to respond. I think we will reach out one more time, then just count them as a no if we don't hear back. UGH!

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Yeah I feel like my biggest fear with not reaching out again would be that they'd text you in 2 weeks or something and say "good news, we're coming!" and then you'd have to either awkwardly tell them "no you're not" or would have to change everything last minute to accommodate them. Reaching out one more time is basically a nice warning of... "by the way, if you don't respond in 2 days, you aren't coming" (without actually saying it like that of course Smiley tongue ). Then that way if they DO reach out later on and say they can suddenly come, you can stick to your guns and remind them that you already told them that later than 6/19 was too late.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Right! That makes sense. If they don't respond AGAIN that will be just so weird and uncomfortable but necessary for our final count haha!

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    It really will be weird and uncomfortable lol, but try to remember that it is THEM who should feel weird and uncomfortable, not you. You're inviting them to the most special day of your life and they're basically ghosting you? You have nothing to feel uncomfortable about, they do!

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Yeah, true! I guess I just hate double texting when they haven't responded, but it seems necessary. I just Facebook messaged 1 & 2. I'll text 3 and 7 today. I asked my FFIL to deal with 8. 4 and 5 I'll probably let slide since they are in the bridal party, but I'll text 6 too. We planned for a last minute extra few but obviously not this many. Our hotel block closes on June 28 too, so I had to remind 8 groups about that last night too. I felt uncomfortable doing that but almost all of them responded by saying "OMG I totally forgot to do that, thanks for telling me. I'll do it ASAP!" and three did it within 5 minutes of us reminding them. I guess to me, I'd rather remind & feel like I'm nagging than have someone text us July 10 saying they can go and can't find a hotel room!

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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Totally agree! It's very annoying and awkward but, this is the position they're forcing you to put yourself in Smiley tongue

    It'll all be over soon! Lol.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    True! Yes, thank goodness! Hahahaha!

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  • Angerra
    VIP August 2019
    Angerra ·
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    Many recently married women who I spoke during this wedding planning process told me the RSVP process was going to be the worse. I didn't think so, but I completely see what they all meant now!

    I would send 1 last text or make 1 last phone call and give all of your guests a hard deadline. If they do not RSVP by that deadline, they will unfortunately be marked as not attending.

    As much as it sucks and as harsh as it may seem, when catering, seating arrangements, and money are involved, you need to make sure all of your ducks are in a row before you get stressed out by guests RSVPing at the last minute.
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  • Madison
    Devoted August 2019
    Madison ·
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    So sorry you have to deal with this! I agree with PP and I would send a text to all groups (including the ones who have not responded at all) with "Hello again! We need to send in our final numbers by X date, please let us know by who will be coming (and whether they need a seat or meal for that one group) or we will have to mark you as a "No". Thank you!"

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I was told that too. We put 10 days between our RSVP date and when transportation needed final count. Transportation is really the only one we need now, then the rest we need July 6 (14 days out). Good news, I just got a "yes" from two of them. Great! I'll continue reaching out.

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  • Ali
    Devoted August 2019
    Ali ·
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    Ugh we are going through this right now too. I have family saying they need more time to decide and figure out plans.
    I dont have anymore time to give them so we are kinda stuck
    My fiancee sent out a mass email to the last 23 people saying we need to know by Thursday if we dont hear back we are going to count it as a no and leave it at that
    Good luck! This has by far been the most stressful part lol
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Yeah, I'm for sure going to do that! I just got a "yes" from two so that's great already. His dad told me to count his 4 friends as "no". 15 to go!

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I know the struggle! We chose to do individual texts, I think people ignore mass texts/emails/messages more often. I did one group text and didn't hear back, so I'm sending individual ones today.

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