Skip to main content
Weddings

How to Give a Wedding Ceremony Reading If You Hate Public Speaking

So many people are afraid of public speaking, but if you're given the chance to speak at someone's wedding, how do you overcome that? Here's what I did.

bride reading vows

bride reading vows

Photo: Lindsey Grace Photography

While I found it impossible to turn the bride and groom down when they asked me to read a poem at their wedding ceremony, I immediately thought about my first day of college. My public speaking professor had us give impromptu speeches, which made me so nervous that my vision started to black out as I walked to the front of the classroom. I’ve only gotten slightly more comfortable with addressing a crowd since then.

The ceremony would have 100 people in attendance, a somewhat small number for a wedding but large enough to make my palms sweat. I steeled my nerves and did everything I could think of to get through it without fainting.

It worked—I nailed the poem and lived to tell the tale. Here’s what I learned about overcoming my fear of public speaking to give a wedding ceremony reading.


Remember: It’s an honor.
Repeat that to yourself as much as you need to. It’s an honor, even if it’s making your knees buckle. It’s clear you’re special to the couple; they want you to take a prominent role in the most important day of their life. The reception may signal party time, but the ceremony is what the day is truly about and you’re going to be an integral part of that.

Do your homework.
Poetry is sneaky. You may think you know exactly what a poem is about, but you could be way off base. Whatever you’re reading - a bible passage, song lyrics, a proverb - research its context so that you know what you’re saying and how to say it. Not only will you sound more interesting, but you’ll know where to pause for effect and where to emphasize.

Practice until you’re sick of it.
I practiced in my apartment, in my car, in front of my mirror, in front of my roommate, in front of her two-year-old. I recited the poem to the bride, to my mother and to whoever was on the TV at the time. I practiced even though I knew I’d have the poem in front of me at the ceremony. Learn the reading so well that you can look away for a line without losing your place.

Read from something lovely and make lots of notes.
I held a cool vintage book by the poet, but if you don’t have something like that, head to a stationery store to buy a pretty card in a color that matches your outfit. Rewrite the passage on the card and makes notes to remind yourself of things like where to pause and take a breath, the parts that you tend to rush and want to slow down, and how to pronounce words you have trouble with.

Be smart about footwear.
What do your shoes have to do with reading a poem? A lot, actually. I wore super high heels and had to walk through mud to get to the podium. Luckily, I had Googled “how to walk in mud in heels” the day before, so I wasn’t in too much trouble. Still, you want to make sure that you can move steadily and comfortably. You’re going to be nervous as you walk in front of 100 or more people, even if you know every single one of them. Wear shoes that will prevent you from slipping, falling or wobbling.

Avoid “inside jokes” or improvising.
I made some weird motion to my mom as I stepped up in front of everyone. I think I was going for a thumb’s up, but it went awry and I instantly regretted it. Don’t try to be funny or too off-the-cuff if that’s not what your reading requires of you. No cute gestures to someone in the crowd, no inside jokes to your friend as you stand up. Just stick to the program.

Accept that something will go wrong.
I practiced the poem until I was tired of hearing it. I had rewritten it in large font in case my eyes blurred and I couldn’t read it from the book. I had made it to my post without falling face-first into mud. Then the microphone didn’t work and I had to project my voice over the white noise of the rustling leaves and the nearby highway without screaming in the bride and groom’s ears. Don't panic; go with it.

Welcome positive feedback.
The poem took up five minutes or less of a day that was otherwise completely about the bride and groom, but that didn’t stop me from wanting recognition for a job well done. When I was finished reading, I glanced at my dad, who gave me a thumb’s up, then at my date, who winked at me. Sometimes it takes a village to feel good about yourself and at that moment both guys showed up for me. Bask in your moment.